I wrote the following response to a parent asking whether a 12 year old should be given a smart phone. I took some time to respond and wanted to hang onto it.
“First, know that ALL parents are struggling with these dilemmas. My wife and I alway say that we didn’t sign up for all of these technology challenges when we decided to get married and have children. Then again, that’s the danger of a secular vocation.
Second, make sure you know the duties of Catholic parents. I have attempted to collect them out from the Catechism of the Catholic Church in this article: https://classicalliberalarts.com/family-life/duties-of-catholic-parents. It is just as important for us to know our duties are as it is to know what they are NOT. We often torment ourselves by thinking we are responsible for things that are not in our control.
Third, remember that children, as long as they are minors, are under the authority of their parents (father first, mother under father). Parents have the right to make decisions they believe are right and they are legally responsible for the decisions that they make, and can be held legally responsible for the behavior of their children. So, parents have to exercise their authority for the safety of their children, for the safety of others and for their own safety. Children don’t make the rules.
Fourth, with respect to these devices, there are means of controlling them. They require access to paid phone service or wifi. Parents should not pay for paid phone service. If a child cannot pay for phone service, he certainly has not right to it and is probably not mature enough to handle it. If he uses a phone to access wifi, then that wifi access can be limited to certain hours of the day. Apps are available that allow parents to monitor and control their children’s phone activity. So, in the end, there’s alot parents an allow without just handing kids over to the internet.
If a child is not willing to accept such conditions, then I think he’s revealing bad intentions. If his intentions are good, he should be happy to have a phone and not worry that parents are monitoring his activity. If his intentions are bad, he will want complete freedom at his parents’ expense, which is foolishness.
These are very difficult issues because our children, being in society, are also under the influence of many others and that influence can be hard on them.
Prayerful decisions, careful communication and self-examination are necessary. Parenting is very difficult work.
But remember, you are to follow your conscience and leave the results in God’s hands. You’re not the savior of the world.”
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